Taking it a second at a time, a minute by minute and a day by day..

It’s just too hard sometimes just to keep going I have been finding out. Sometimes it’s just the mere smile on a face, a kind word, another's sad/happy tidings, Nature herself in all her glory/her awesomeness or the look on one's loved ones faces that just keeps us going, isn't it?

Inspiration is getting really hard to come by for me. I can't seem to be inspired easily of recent, I am realizing of late. Probably I am getting more and more hardened, no finer feelings ,as each day seem to pass me by, changing me forever. Is it a better change? Maybe no . But it sure is not the same me I see, as I did see of myself yesterday or the day before .Maybe I am arriving at that Cynic's point.  And I sure don't like what I see of what I am becoming. Why can't anything seem to lift my spirits, I wonder?

I do try though, to find enthusiasm , only to lose it soon enough and am usually rewarded at times with scattered spates of satisfying moments. I have come to acknowledge there is satisfaction to be gained at watching  the happiness of total strangers at times. I know I am looking for any little stray straws to grab at.. ..just to stay afloat I guess. That's exactly what it’s all come to..the act of just staying afloat. Absolutely no enthusiasm to be found anywhere in anything. I also catch myself trying to show some modicum of satisfaction in everything . Only it becomes a show a little too often I ought to admit.

And I do hate putting up shows, but have been made aware that you got to, and its sure becoming a way of life for many, and I being among that many of course.

Is it so for the majority I wonder. Had it been so for our forebears before us? If so, what a lives are we all having? Hopefully it was not so I would like to think. Its just me and my poor spirits, books don't seem to help me much either. Neither do the various entertainments and the visits..I get back to the zero enthusiasm level very soon. The crux of the problem is with me then, I tell myself . The world seems to be fine, with all its usual dramas and cycles, its just my attitude and my outlook . And I sure am glad all is as usual around me, of course. I try searching for that old self of mine, the very optimistic being I used to be, the one who used to tell herself it all would really get better. Now, I don't have the enthusiasm to think it even, I realize. I do pucker up and summon that optimism for some one else oftentimes, someone who needs it, a friend or a loved one of course.When it comes to me I feel it’s really of no use.Only, I got to face myself, the real me that is, from time to time, and I do know,I got to admit the sense of defeat I really feel to that particular person.

Need to keep on going though, like an ant, more like an inchworm, inch by inch , second by second, to strive and reach that point to be scaled, and I hope I can hold up until then...

Totally unexpected and quite stunned...

So, here we were making plans about what classes to enroll the kids in as Summer came knocking and Soccer was not an option anymore. My little one had been attending a cheer leading class, for the previous weeks . As it was, we were not very happy about the way it went for her, so had been having these thoughts of enrolling her in some gym class or some form of dance classes.

The cheer leading classes got over, and it was time for the Regional Competition. We were not all that enthusiastic or hopeful about it as the little team was only just about reaching there.

The Competition turned out to be quite a big affair. Level 1 (Division 1) Competition was done first and there were around 14 teams for our team to compete against. Some of the performances were cute and some funny, like the "I am Elmo and I know it song". There  were both big and small teams and ours were one of the big ones as we had 8 members in it. So, with all the usual stress ,drama and tears, it was at last their turn. It went well , but having seen the Elmo performance and some other cute moves I was not very hopeful for my little one's team. In fact, many teams seemed to be quite good, as good and some more than our team, that is, to my untrained eyes, it appeared there might be other winners.

I wanted to return back home as the level 1 competition got over. But immediately after, they started the performance for bigger girls, girls out of middle school, I guess. We just couldn't leave yet, we needed to watch a few, we decided, as that particular routine turned out to be quite professional and skilled. As it was, that performance of the older girls, was by the all star team that was gonna represent the region in that level. So, unawares, now it was time for the results, and I wasn't very sure if I ought to be glad we had stayed back.

The 3rd place was announced and I had hopes it might be our team, but no luck there, next came the second place winner, it was the Elmo team. I knew we'd better leave as we had lost. My son at my side insisted  "My sister's team is gonna be first". I looked back at him strangely, and said," No way dear, I'd hoped for a third maybe, now I see no chance". "No mom! you just wait and see, it will be her team" he insisted.

The announcer immediately congratulated the winning team who would be representing the Region @ the State level @ Nashville. I was totally stunned, and so were the other parents in our group. My son's words did come true after all.

Now I knew I would never hear an end to his bragging . All the way back he boasted of his prophesying powers, while I wondered why, I was such a bad judge of the performance altogether. Well, its no wonder, I know nothing about cheer leading at all for that matter, all I am good at in that quarter is encouraging and watching and enjoying, I guess. But am I glad ! So is the family , for the little ones's first achievement in such a field. It totally threw us off, I got to say. In all the commotion and the excitement, we forgot to get a team picture after the event, not a smart move, I know.

So what of our plans of dropping out of cheer leading altogether? Now as you may have realized,we gotta travel that road some more, it looks like. Isn't it so very like Life, for decisions to be taken out of your hands and your control altogether? Well, that's the beauty of life I guess, the unexpectedness, and the uncertainty.

About a constant,steadfast and reliable friend...

There is this friend of mine of over a score years. A friend I acquired in my early graduation days. All those years back and some, this one particular friend of mine is been steadfast in her ways.

I remember making fun of her for being too sweet with anyone and everyone, even when she was not really treated civilly. In short, I found soon enough, it was very hard to provoke her. So hard was this that, at times, some other friends of hers and I, even have thought that maybe she was always putting on this act of sweetness .Only, quite recently we have come to the realization that probably she was more tactful, more mature and diplomatic than any of us.

This realization has been arrived on by us, mostly due to the fact that she still remains the same in the face of any adversity. We all have changed in many ways I got to note, which is of course how it ought to be.Our experiences shape us over the years.And so we have become either more or less patient and suffering with our lots or have ended up as shrews or saints. She still is the same old smiling girl of yore though. It just escapes me how she can hold her smile as of yore .I got to take back my taunts now, the ones that I used to shower on her for being all too sweet in the face of total meanness even. She used to appear almost like a female messiah, and she was/is beautiful too, with the same all-suffering look.

Maybe its this attitude of hers that has bred better consequences for her in life . Its been said, patience often breeds more patience, likewise, probably a smiling acceptance and understanding in her, must have bred all that is nice that has happened/happens /will happen in her life too. I got into this musing on her after a conversation with a mutual friend and thought it was worth a mention, this sweetness and patience and this good-heartedness of hers. Only it makes me feel like a shrew, as I always have this tendency to argue in the face of anything  before accepting it.

Blood sure is thicker than water after all, time and again...

The distancing that has occurred between us siblings as years have gone by is a matter that really bothers me from time to time. I remember, as a school-goer and a residential student, the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep as I sorely missed my several siblings and my dear family. Myriad are the times I couldn't help myself being anxious during each moment that I was away from home,about the safety of each and everyone of them. This anxiety was only heightened by the fact that I got to see them during the vacations that came in the school year. In short, my misery in being at the boarding was easily multiplied by my yearning thoughts of home. I was very attached to my five siblings and my parents. I had been plucked away at the very young age of three and planted in the residential surroundings in the school. The misery that other fellow boarders felt only increased my sadness and longing for home I remember.

Every night while we lay ourselves to sleep, we were in the habit of murmuring a prayer for our dear ones and ourselves which again made me pray extra fervently for everyone's safety. The childish fear that little kids usually have, which I now frequently observe in my little ones, this fear of separation from their parents and loved ones was just a bit more acutely felt by me in those days, I remember. And yet, this same 'acute feeler' has changed so much over the years that I find myself hardly on speaking terms at times with some of my beloved siblings. If the love was/is strong ,so was the anger and dislike at times stronger. Still, I think this type of alienation between the siblings happened  between us much later in our youthful years.

But deep down, in spite of the anger, frustration and total misunderstanding that has happened /is happening,  deep down, I strongly believe none of us siblings can ever really wish ill for any of the others .Deep down, there still is /will always remain that concern and love that has maybe been suppressed, but never totally extinguished. This suppression is due to the circumstances and happenings that have been mostly out of our control. We, after all are mere puppets playing to the Divine tune, I guess. There is no hate at all, only a sometimes deep dislike, a disapproval of one and everything now, a criticism of each other. In events and things that matter, Blood does hold well together, I have found to my utter relief. All the show of animosity is forgotten, blood is blood and it does feel in unison and reverts to its natural alliance in spite of all external influence to overthrow and displace it, the strength of the bond of blood.

I am very confident, from my past and recent experiences, they will all come through for me when I really need them , in spite of this distancing by ourselves and by various occurences that have happened in our various lives. This, I believe is not just my case, it is same for all, whether it be for my own siblings or generally.

The choices in one's language and its usages....

As a kid, I remember vowing to myself never ever to speak the language or rather the mode of communication my parents used, between themselves and among their local peers. That language, being quite a 'complicated' (to my young mind) mixture of the regional Malayalam and the neighboring Tamil. The end result being neither this nor that. It was a true mixture, and I was very much embarrassed at that age, about the way it was spoken among some of my close relatives. This embarrassment being brought on mainly from the awareness that I felt, from my exposure to my residential school days, bringing to me  the realization, that it was not really Malayalam that was being spoken at home, but a very queer, personal dialect. It sure was sweet in its own way, but to my young mind it then actually caused so much of confusion and frustration . This, I should say was mostly due to the fact that there was no way I could ever grasp that tone or tune, or the syntax, but  it is and always has been quite familiar to me, I ought to admit. This dialect was also very much an important part of my  home and childhood .The  irony of life is such, that you tend to end up in the same situation time and again, mostly the ones you usually try very hard to try to avoid,  I believe.

As of today, the present time what do I speak at home? Its no wonder that I have ended up with a mixture of Malayalam and Tamil at my home now. Though its not the same dialect, I have to admit. The other day I caught myself telling my kid to " Nallaa padichu, beautifulaa present cheyyanam mone".Translation being , prepare well and present well. To be exact, it has a sprinkle of English in it too,with the Malyalam and Tamil.  So, after all, how far have I moved away from my roots? Not very far obviously!

Truly, its just not a mixture of Malayalam, Tamil ,and English that does the rounds in our home. Got to admit, we (being us) as parents I believe, have been further confusing our kids, than our parents have ever been to us, from time to time . The fact being, we also have another language making its rounds around the house. My husband's native Telugu that is . I am sure, in a future date our kids might admit to a total confusion they had been subjected to by us. But again,  its a scientific fact that kids who are exposed to various languages have better grasping powers right?. Oh! how pathetic of me! How we often tend to grab at any little excuse for our general behavior right? What a sorry excuse, I am sure, but I do have the solace of it being scientifically proved beneficial .

The sad part is they don't speak, as such, any of these languages at all now, like they used to in their much younger days. At least, I can find some little joy in the fact that, they will have a wealth of vocabulary from various different languages and lots of grasping power hopefully, a general  comprehension of whats being said . I have noticed oftentimes, that we as parents cannot seem to have a real private conversation in any of these various languages, as all  of them are in some form familiar and comprehensible to them. This familiarity, hopefully, in their future might interest them to further learn to speak fluently in any one or more of these or maybe any new languages, like we did later in  life. This is another of my wish and hopes for them....

A welcome to slumber,and farewell to all contemplation....

It's all a continuous process, this effort at understanding all the things going on around you. All of it of course has its origin the day you are born here, into this conundrum of confusion. But, does anyone ever reach a conclusion as to its relevance at all ? Very doubtful. Definitely there are moments when one is lulled into this feeling of certainty.This false sense that one has, that one definitely, ultimately, understood everything. But then again, one is faced with a new curve thrown at one's face and again hurtled into a mixed confusion.

Probably it all is never to be really comprehended, maybe its just to be experienced. To undergo all of the multitudes of one's experience in a lifetime and never ever try to question the whys and the wherefores of things. Just, maybe just, leave it all alone. Pondering on things have not helped anyone much, other than adding to the total stress and unhappiness and sadness. Truth is sadness, most always bringing pain . These far and few periods of happiness and the enjoyment we are lulled into are not the reality, they are the very rare waterholes that we happen on, in this very  long/short journey of this dry desert, called life.

What has one accomplished, after having striven so hard to make one's mark and at the same time amass material wealth, sometimes for four to five generations and more? Probably its all like, we are pieces added into the whole of the patchwork of this entirety, called 'life' in general. Maybe, one ought to play one's part, whether one likes it or not, for the whole thing to fall into place. Whatever happens, life is got to go on. So, the individual is of no consequence, here in the larger picture of things. Its the whole that matters not the various parts, probably. Otherwise, why in the world should the various little elements have this doubt from time to time?

Maybe all this War, the Politics, the bickering and the drama around us is to promote life, again, who knows? That is why in many cases, the man or the individual is trampled on, for the general good, it is said. But, what good would it be,  if the parts are not healthy, its almost like the various small/big organs/parts of a human body. A faulty part will eventually bring down the whole structure. So, isn't the individual important after all ? Who in the world cares to know? Who really has the time to think on it, especially in these money making, stock-market focused days.

Hearing someone express a wish for all humanity to go back to those days of farming, and organic living days, that had been once the very way of life, makes one wonder. Really! Will anyone who has actually seen success (material), by promoting the modern way of life , which is what is propagated to the maximum, to be the much more convenient, posh and time-saving method, with the various products and gadgets available, through their collective efforts of marketing  to the common people, just sit still and watch  this reverting into the old ways of life? That way of life just doesn't stand a chance in this very modernized world. Even if one tried consciously , there are too many defeatist elements at work, in covert, overt and very audacious ways all around us, that would do their very best to outsmart you, me and every single one of us.Who would then dare to even have an ancient dream I ask?

Well.... it all seems easier  most of the time, really, to give in, rather than to stand up against it all. It appears to be the best choice- the silence and the acceptance , rather than the queries and the relevance of comprehending. Do I really need my headaches augmented ? I better not think on it. Let me put my mind to a lazy slumber in that quarter..

Is it really worth it ? The extremes you get pushed into, to hold on to a job?

Everyone in my native place are very familiar with the idea of paying / bargaining with the highest amount for a Government paid job in any institution under any private Corporate or single Management . Its quite common that the job usually goes to the highest bidder usually also the person with the most influence. Private Managements make loads of money by way of appointments which is hardly spent on the said Institution for which the person is hired. That too is a fact, to which you hardly find any reactions or active protestations for fear of endangering one's cosy position. 

Like I'd said in my blog on self-reliance , in which I wrote of how I got my regular job, paying money is not unheard of to get one, but it is unusual and quite new that the state of things have so deteriorated that, you will be made to pay through your teeth if you need to safeguard it too. I have been availing long leave,which is allowed to the Government employees. For the short period of leave I applied a couple of year's back I have been asked to pay in order to get a permission to avail it. I did do it the first time. I was told to pay the salary for a guest who would work in my place, (remember, I am on leave without pay, not working abroad either).With a heavy heart and pinching my pockets I did pay last time. The recent leave I applied for was not allowed me as I was incapable of coughing out the huge sum of ten lakhs for the four years I wanted to avail. Which by the way the Management knew I would never be able to put forth. I was asked to my face by the Secretary , "If you pay, you keep your job , otherwise resign it".He also added, "Your people's colleges only employ your people, so why should I care about you who don't belong here?" Meaning your community/religion/&coconuts.Yeah there is the rub. How can you, who don't belong work in my community college?(veiled query of course)

The harassment I faced and the insults that were showered every time I went to personally request to be allowed an NOC is a totally different story. I hear my friends telling me I should have taped and got evidence and taken these people to court. I am not that kind of a person I tell them. It hurts , yes it does, the injustice of it all. Why only I have been subjected to such a treatment right? There were others who were allowed leave with a fair amount of money paid up. Why me being pushed out? The only answer that comes to mind is , the coast was much easier to clear in my case ,and it is being done, the way paved for a more fresh means of money-making found.

Now, I am being literally pushed out. As I see it, it is all a play of  Money, Corruption,Caste, Religion, Prejudice and Whatnot. Evert rogue element has played and is playing a part in shaping our future world , everything other than all that really matters like value, worthiness, capability or quality that really matters and do work. No use riling against a corrupt system, that I know, one can do zilch about all this injustice as the rich is got the power, be it political or otherwise .As long as Money holds precedence over man and Values, we will always be witnesses to these wild, uncontrolled frenzy and cavorting of the rich and the powerful around us. So, my God-given job is been snatched away by very much material minded and earth bound people. I am here waiting to see if there is going to be  a Divine interference after all, as it was all a blessing in the first place. Silly of me right? Grow up girl!

I Need/want/demand a cell phone..

This is about the debate about the degree of necessity of getting a mobile phone for our boy . His demand for one had started quite early, as a matter-of-fact. Many of his friends already had one from their 3rd grade on . This, we gathered from his whining for one .Of course we thought that was nonsense- An elementary school kid needing a phone? Nah ! we said. It would be like spoiling you, we argued with him . But the wailing has gone on .. why can't only I have one ? please please please..nope usually went the immediate reply. In fact he didn't really , necessarily need one, as he was wont to travel back and forth mostly by bus and some of the schools were just walking distance from where we stayed. Mostly, I could see him walk to and from school through the kitchen window of the apartment .A phone sure would only add to the multiple distractions he already has. "So, why do you need one ?" "I want to talk to my friends" he retorts. "That's what the home phone is for ,  pick it up, use it all you want" .No, I need my own,  he  stays stubborn .

We, as parents have been giving a lot of thought to the topic of a phone for him for some time now. He is right on one point . Kids much younger than him do have their own phones,its just the norm and some do tout their mobiles in his face and he does feel embarrassed . But again , to him a cell phone would just be the means to get his favorite games at his fingertips.That was mainly why he yearned for one .The world of games were beckoning him .He was bored in the bus, he said. We have been sourly aware of the fact that maybe, he is already a little too much into video and online games and that much  less time is being used for furthering his efforts at studies. So its a constant fear, that we might be encouraging him to go lax in his studies if we put a mobile phone in his hand. As a result of our discussion we had come to the understanding he would be given a basic phone(no texting, no playing, so utilitarian , I know),when he entered his second year in Middle school.

Yesterday , after soccer, my dear son wants to talk to me privately. He nudges me , asks me to stay back , I am aware something is come up. I fear he is in trouble, he wants me to fall in line with him , but I hurry to start dinner as its already very late. He catches up with me with his very tired, soccer-practised leg and murmers, " Mom, several girls have started asking me my cell number, I felt embarrassed you know, I don't even have a number to give".He had my full attention by then. Now what will his dad have to say in defence to  that particular line of argument, I wonder.For, every time this topic of a phone for him came up, we have been able to convince him with one practical argument or the other, mostly related to his attention getting diverted on the phone, online songs and so on. Girls I know are a total different matter. I remembered how   he had tried to glean the reaction of the young girls who had tried to introduce themselves to my son at a recent temple. I wanted to see how dad reacted to this particular line of argument as I told him . He really had a problem. Your son's number is in demand among the girls now, they have started asking his number I say! So what, just give them my cell number he replies, trying to hide his amusement at this turn of events.(the interest of the young girls in his son that is) With a huff and a puff and total frustration about his lot, my son goes to get a shower before dinner. How dare you say that, I tell him my hubby, it sounded to me like "let the girls talk to me, I am ready to talk with them, than an offer of help".It really sounded like he was goading his son. No, I meant he can talk with all of them when I come home,on my cell, my husband retorts, "Oh ! come on" I say. My dear husband tends to forget  that the world he is now living in is no longer the 20th C. I remind him, now this is a serious matter, he is getting noticed and you better do what needs to be done, get him a phone soon. He is got to text and keep in contact out of school too, in order to form good friendships and relationships . Stay with the times please , I tell him.

Oh, don't worry he will get one soon, my hubby tells me, the soon being when the next model of his choice phone is released that is. I try to console my boy saying your wait won't be long , you are gonna get one by  the next academic year I promise you. He is in need of one I know, we cannot escape that fact for long, I know that too.

The Ways and means to safeguard one's self-reliance...1

My first regular job was a real God -send . I had passed the UGC test almost two years earlier and had so far failed to get an offer for a regular job. This, even though I did make the final list of potential candidates, due to the lack of lakhs that had to be paid for the jobs as such . That was/is how you got a job in any private Educational system funded by the Government. Now, why hadn't I tried for a job in the Government Colleges? There was no way I could, as the State Government had for a period of ten years frozen any appointments. What luck to be job hunting exactly then with a UGC Lecturership certificate I'd say! I always had the option to apply out-of state, as the certificate was valid nation-wide, but I was not encouraged to do so.

So, it was just by pure chance this particular full-time, regular, Government-paid job as a college teacher almost like, landed on my lap. I had applied the previous year for a post in colleges under a certain Private Management, at the insistence of my eldest brother, who also had brought me the form to apply. I had no hopes at all, as I'd been repeatedly disappointed after many interviews with many separate managements, resulting with the managements' almost always discreetly letting me know that I needed to furnish a certain amount of money for the job in question . There was no way my father could pay that huge amount and so my only hope was the Government, but there never was going to be a chance for me there,  for some extended period of time at least. Anyway, I ended up applying, and as a result attended an interview, which went quite well.  As I did not belong to that particular community( Community colleges tended to give preference to their own (caste/creed), and I had zero influence on the Management, I forgot all about it in due course.

One fine morning, during my short tenure as a temp English Lecturer in Chittoor Government College near Palghat,(I had been appointed through the Employment Exchange there) I received a mail from the private Management asking me to join duty as soon as possible, as I was appointed as Lecturer in a college under their management.You can imagine my surprise and excitement at these turn of events. Here I am, with no hope at all of getting a government post( state government) and suddenly this golden opportunity presents itself . I let my family know and asked for the company of one of my brothers to accompany me to the said institution as it was miles away from where I was  located at that time.

And that's how I ended up at the College where I had the best time during all of my teaching career. I was young, looked so puny, and appeared to have no authority in the eyes of the kids I was supposed to be giving lectures to. In fact, many of them were so big, they used to think they could easily intimidate me. In fact, some did initially, but it was short-lived. I soon earned a reputation for putting the ones who acted too smart in their places during the course of my classes, that is if I received any unwanted interference from anyone. Like I'd said those first few years were the most joyous ones of my teaching career. I was a big kid myself partially, joining in all the activities both fun and academical. I enjoyed teaching and made sure I never became a total bore .

Its this job that I am now almost on the verge of losing as I had availed leave, and my post is now very much in demand, as it would fetch many more times over what it was worth at the time I joined as a fresh hand . I have been made acutely aware that, I never had to pay even a single penny for my job as was the usual case, even though the job was in the private Management. During our appointments, the said Management was in trouble with the Government and so all the appointments were overseen by a Receiver appointed by the Courts. Which, in turn brought about a very honest and accurate appointing process, almost like the Government selection of probable future employees , depending on one's merits and according to the norms set by the Government. No money exchanged hands. And so the following refrain I kept hearing "You never paid a penny" , came to  sound to me more like "how dare you have this job?".

Oh yes, harrasment has been part and parcel from the beginning, due to this 'free pass' I had gotten, whether it be from some colleagues or from people in authority. You just learned to live with it. It did nothing to kill my spirit though . If anything, it only made me tougher and stronger each time I heard it, to face the world.

Recently, when I tried for a leave again, this same refrain was sung to me . I had grown so hardened to it, I did not actually care, even though insult was added to injury . But the extremes they would go to, to make me lose my God-given gift of a job, does disturb some deep part of me. Its the money beckoning them I know. Should I fight it or just give in? Do I have the energy for such a battle royale? I ought to do my part to at least present my side and not let them easily push and overthrow me, from the only thing that has ever made me realize my full potential . And I am striving to do it . I might eventually lose this uneven fight between the individual and the Corporate. If so, it would be with so much of sadness and feeling of having accomplished  less than my potential, that I'd be leaving . I have lots in me still to do .I haven't done half of what I am capable of, as I had to of lately,had to give priority to other things than my career, which have led me to take repeated leave.(Which is btw allowed to all employees, a period of 15 years).

The dream of going back soon and working for another decade and somemore is fast diminishing from my future horizon. Out of my around 16 years of total service, I have actively taught only a seven and six months of it, the rest being consumed by my leave, for the purpose of being with my family abroad. I must be the butt of ridicule among my peers, as to the subject of what I have so far achieved after all, with my travels abroad, other than keep the family together. Which let me add , to me is of the most important as a mother and wife. Not any financial gain like what others usually achieve, as I am a stay-at-homer, what's there to show? I would like to find some consolation in the belief that all that has happened in my simple life and is happening is maybe for the best, be it mine or that of the ones close to me. Who knows, maybe the best is yet to be...May my faith uphold me..

Of friends, less than friends and careless friends...

With the advent of networking , keeping up with one's friends have become so effortless. There is no excuse now available for anyone, who calls himself/herself a friend to find solace in excuses anymore I'd say. Still we tend to blame our lack of checking on our friends on the busy schedules we are on, be it at home, work or the schedule of our social life.

In spite of all this, don't you think you would take the trouble to at least find out how someone you really care about is doing, at least from time to time, not wait for them to catch up with you/ask after you?  What do you call this type of behavior,this waiting to be asked about, but not caring enough about the other person to find about the wellness of their friend at all ? Could he/ she be a real friend to the one who cares enough to check on him/her? Trying to touch base with one's friends will occur only if there is this real feeling of love/care .This touching of base with each other can be in the mode of a brief message, a call, a mail or even a chat message. Now that is the convenience we all have, at our fingertips in this present day and age. Despite these comforts, if you still cannot bother to say in a short message, whether it be mail or otherwise that you do care by asking about your friend, then what type of a so- called friend are you? No matter the distance, the lack of time and any and all other issues, you would be there, you would find or make time to get the message across that you do care about them . You would always be a solid support proving to your friends they can rely on you always and anytime.This support needn't be material, it must be moral and it ought to be ever present . Fiends mean so much more to a person than one's own family most of the time . When one starts caring less and less, one tends to push them back into the background. Oh, they are fine, they must be getting along ,would be your attitude once you start caring for them less and less. So that's what's happening to some of my friends who are becoming more 'distanced' I guess. Should I call them distanced friends, the one's who seemed to be so close to my heart , now slowly disappearing from my day to day life. The one's you still care for though are the one's who make you stop and analyse yourself/ your situation.Now that's the 'unkindest cut' of it all. If both parties care less, it ought to be alright, if not is when the hurt begins.You tend to dissect the whole thing, trying to find the whys and wherefores of the little things in that particular relationship.

Again to the topic on the true ones, friends that is, they will always be there for you, no matter what. You can always rely on their support and well wishes. They never judge you, they are the one's who have accepted you for all your faults and your graces. Nothing you say or do is gonna ever change their attitude towards you or yours towards them . Such friendships are enriched even further when all the related  feelings are mutual.So it is when the mutuality in a friendship diminishes that a real friend becomes a careless one. I believe its easier to understand and accept one's lot when an erstwhile friend becomes your less than a friend person or should I say a foe almost? Yes its much more easy to understand the workings of a foe's mind than a friend's, who has become a confusing one at that, like the one that has gone totally careless. You wouldn't know what to do with such a one.

Do you keep them or do you lose them? It becomes a Hamlet question. ( 'To be or not to be', here a friend) Should you or not? If you totally want to lose them , its not an easy matter at all let me say. The issue being, there is this remnant of mixed feelings, feelings of care which haven't at all diminished on one side at the least. This one-sided concern and affection and remnants of affection on the other side gets the relationship nowhere, its like a beached vessel going nowhere . You cannot abandon it, nor can you move it, in short you are stuck .You know there are ways and means to help it progress and get it to go on its path but its got to be a very concerted effort. So you see, you are indeed in a fix . This really is the type of friendship that bothers one and really makes one unhappy. It is not the less than friends or foes who make one restless or embittered I guess, its the careless ones, the ones who care no more, the ones who had once been so dear, who have faded away little by little but again the ones for who you still have care and you just cannot seem to get back to the way you were with them.

So in short, these careless ones cannot be called friends anymore, they are become more like acquaintances. Alas, they are no friend material now after all .

Of realized wishes/wishful thoughts....

This little incident might sound silly as you read on ,but here goes . Last week we lost the back screw of my daughter's ear-ring. Not a very silly matter as that was probably the second loss of a 22 carat gold ear-ring by her in nearly 4 months. Quite an accomplishment by way of losses I should say, and so much disappointment and self-rebuke on my part as a result of this turn of events.

The self-rebuke on my part being, I hadn't paid enough attention, like checking on her ear-ring every once in a while as we knew she was in the habit of losing em.I discovered she was without one ear-ring just as she was hurrying to get ready for school.Not an ideal time I agree, but that particular point never stopped me from immediately rushing into the bath and checking the floor and the tub, in the high hopes of finding a part or both parts of the ear-ring.

To my delight I did find the anterior part , the posterior screw being no where in sight, to my dismay . Even though I was beggared for time right then, I couldn't stop myself from trying to poke around near the drain just in hopes of finding the little screw. No way was I ever gonna get that back I knew, it could have long drained off, I realized that to my disappointment.

My girl was so sad she'd lost another one of the gold rings again, and looked to me for some reassurance, which, I just was not in the mood to give her at all , but I managed to say that I would try to find it for her anyway . I had no idea what to do right then, I couldn't send her to school with one ear bare, that sure would look odd. So, I decided to remove mine and attach one of the screws to her ear-ring to save the situation, which did not help at all . It wouldn't fit, the screw. Gratefully, I found there was an extra pair I'd put away in the medicine cabinet for such occasions and immediately helped her into it, with the accompanying howls of pain of course, that which we always get during such exchanges.

The thought of the loss heavily weighed on me that morning, that I went on my hands and knees with a fine tooth comb, searching for the minute treasure, but again with no payoff . Another bout of self-rebuke helped me a bit , but then not really I guess. I went into one of those 'If only' modes again, daydreaming that possibly she lost it here, there or wherever, somewhere for goodness sakes! And it was in one of those moments of wishful thoughts, that I did think hopefully, that she could have maybe lost it in my neighbor's house, her friend Surya's house, where it was that she was a constant visitor. Maybe, I thought, it is somewhere on the carpet or sofa or anywhere there in the house and they might probably find it. Having had this little wishful thinking already (among many other probable scenarios btw), I related this loss to my neighbor, when I saw her later that day and in reply to her query, why I had changed my lil one's ear-rings. I also mentioned how she'd lost one too many of her gold ear-rings over the months and how it was just so small , that it could have drained away so easily, and maybe I should try getting one of those silver or 14 k gold ones from  J C Penney or Kohls or some such place for her .

The long and short of it being, early next morning, I get a call from my neighbor saying she had the little gold screw in her hand right then, that she'd found it among the cushions on her sofa and that she was immediately reminded of my very recent loss! Well imagine that ! We needn't after all wait until next year to get back home to get her ear-ring fixed or replaced, its been found....well that was a first I got to say.

So you see, wishes/ wishful thinking can really come true . Did I mention my son was in presence when the call came through that the ear-ring was found ? At that moment I told him I had actually wished it would be found in Surya's house.You wanna know what he said, right? "Now that's rich mom..really! Mom, can you do the same thing for me please?" He asks. "What?" I ask , and he goes, "Wish that I will get better grades in school please, will you mom?" I burst out laughing..he was very much like me after all, my dear son. Wasn't I the very same way, wanting some magic everyday in my life, especially while in school, wishing I would get better grades, but not willing to work harder for it ? The apple sometimes does not really fall very far from the tree after all..

But again, maybe I ought to apply my wishing skills to wish for something really substantial,  more worthwhile, for a better, valuable life with all of my heart that is, like I did with the little gold screw, and who knows my wishes might surprise me by getting themselves realized. So he does have a point there, my son..

Eagle Strut @ school..

Today, I'd got up from bed with the idea of getting busy doing some cooking and some writing later.Only I never got to the cooking part, but as soon as I sat down at the desktop to browse the net, one of my friend's called me out of the blue,(she'd not been in touch for a while), asking if I'd want to join her for the Eagle Strut at our kids' school and maybe go around for some garage sale hunting later . I had not made plans to go to school, but as I never got to volunteer this year or never shared a meal with my kid @ school since she started K, I decided to take up my friend's offer , which as it turned out, became one of my smart decisions taken recently. I, let me correct myself,  we, had a very fulfilling experience, walking the walk( The Eagle Strut, Eagle being their school mascot) with the little ones in kindergarten, following them around and having a picnic later at school.

I was sourly reminded of what I have been missing all along . My Kindergartner has begged me so many times to come to her class, read a book, be a homeroom helper, just be there at class like some moms who do so usually . I have never had the chance before today. The happiness and pride on her face on seeing me to share the experience with her was so rewarding. She'd been a little unsure previously about a few things though, with regards to my visits. Her embarrassment over her mom's choice of the traditional Indian dress was all forgotten. She was just overjoyed with the happiness and the surprise of seeing me turn up all of a sudden, with no prior warning. You know, both my kids have this embarrassment, of having to see me dressed in a sari or Churidhar or Salwar or anything traditional (Indian)  in front of their peers. They are glad to see me dressed so on any other occasion except when in the company of their classmates or schoolmates. On those times( while in the company of school mates ), they are just relieved to see me blend in, wearing a pair of jeans or some such casual wear. I beg my little one to wear one of those beautiful dresses from back home, at least once in a while to school, she refuses, she gets scared, she thinks she might be looked on as the odd person out among her friends . I try telling her how pretty she looks in them and how everyone would love to see her dressed thus, but no way is she gonna do it , not ever she says.

To get back to my day in her school, I regretted I was not going often enough to help in the classes, I wished I could do more, visit more. She was overjoyed to see me buy lunch at her school and eat it with her and her friends.There are so many such little experiences, precious ones, which we usually tend to ignore, not giving enough attention to the little things in life, mostly like trying to spend more quality time with the little ones. And how fast they grow up! Sometimes we are not even aware of what we are really missing out on. Its not long before you start wishing you had spent more time with them when they were little.  All those other busy matters in life force us to push these very precious moments towards the back row, in the line of our priorities. Her homeroom teacher was very excited to see us parents help and share in it all.

In the end, I was totally grateful to my friend who surprised me and changed my drab day to one that became very memorable for both my little one and myself .Only, am slightly vary of showing the pics taken at the school to my middle-schooler as he, time and time again, last year, had begged me to join him in school either for the same walk or some other program or just share a meal with him which I never did then . I better prepare to hear the usual," you always do it for her, not me" complaint . I totally regret I hadn't been able to share it with him when he was in the Elementary level, but I can find solace in the fact that I sure have spent more total time with him at school than with his little sister. So there is that saving grace for me after all in the matter....

How hard can it be, landing a regular full-time job ..not at all right???

 Never is it easy losing one's job , that too a dream job , and this especially when  its conscious choice you got to make , this choice to lose that something you value , then I would say it becomes even more harder, also when its a choice you are forced to make due to inescapable circumstances  or personal reasons . The bitterness of it all adds up  when you are not sure if you would ever be able to land one again , at the age you are in, a job of your choice and to your liking , also one  in your own chosen location . In such a situation it becomes, this task of landing a job, nothing but a lot of misery, this from my personal experience, though . I am in the middle of pointing fingers , mostly at myself that is . The choices we make in life  usually lands us where we end up in life , I guess . In the end you need to learn to accept your choices and take responsibility for them too. I am taking responsibility for my career choices now,  mainly.

These days of searching for a respectable job and finding it hard to land one, makes me continuously question all the decisions that I have made throughout my very short life .Was that particular one right, I ponder, maybe I should have taken the other option, maybe it would have been even  better if I had chosen that , this, the other or whatever..too many maybes. In the end I arrive at the thought,after all , maybe , I would have been at the point where I am now, no matter what choice I'd made previously . That line of thought helps me live with myself each day .

Anyways ,after several aborted attempts, and many sporadic periods of misery, thinking that I am probably not good enough for this or that job, ( most being  entry-level ones which anyone is capable of doing btw) , but for which even , I find myself not being chosen to , (how pathetic ! right?) then what should a soul do , you tell me. Time and time I  get into these busy periods of diligently applying for all jobs I feel I might be suited for, and then receive these letters of regrets, letting me know someone else is already been chosen , which leads me again into a depressing period of quitting job searches for weeks and then trying again. It shouldn't be hard to find a job for a person who really wants to work right? Then why does it seem so hard just for me? Why do I even try right ? Well you know, I have this nagging feeling somewhere at times, reminding me, I ,as an individual  still have not done what I am really capable of doing, in fact I have done nothing to change or help this world, have not made my mark, not been useful, but am  just getting along where the tide takes me , day after day, just being a caretaker , nothing else. Seeing all those people juggling their roles as homemakers, public servants, parents, and in many multiple roles , is when it strikes me the most. What are you yourself doing, I can't help but ask myself . Look at all of them , they are busy, doing so much , here you are comparatively sitting , and watching life pass you by. Isn't there something you got to do? Get on and do something about it . And that's when I start it all over again, only to reach no real results. I am sure its not that hard , one of these days I should get my break too, after all ,the saying is every dog has its day right ?

Yes, I do feel like a dog with its tail between its leg sometimes , especially when I never make it for an interview. They tell me its hard, you need to know people , your experience, your degrees, are not enough, even your references don't help you much at all . Sometimes you need to have some ' inside connections' to get you the first break. You need to know insiders. 'The inside push' I would like to call it, that's more like it. The push I don't have and have no hopes of ever getting.  How is one supposed to know any insiders, when one is oneself  a newbie to this whole drama . Now that, according to me, is totally discouraging as a job seeker, and me not a young one at that either. So you see, its not all that green ,the grass on this side , it might appear so, for  you on the far side though, its just a beautiful vision from there, let me be frank with you all on the farther side , more like a chimera ( a foolish fantasy ) it now seems to me, this business of finding a decent job here in the US by myself that is. But surely no point in losing lose hope you all, it is still the dream land of the Science, Math Graduates and all Computer related pros, just not the place for a Language Major like me is all. So keep up your high  hopes still , out there, you will definitely find your little green patch...

All puffed -up, stuffed and totally out of sync with the world....

Have you ever had allergies? If so, pray that you never do ever get them. Especially the Spring kind, the Pollen allergy. I am so not well with runny, stuffed up nose,  puffy, itchy eyes and so out of sync with everything. Wish Spring wouldn't punish me so. Is Spring ('April is the cruellest month') really cruel after all ? Am sure not a pretty sight to look at during early Spring , anyways .

Glad that the schools are on and the break is over for the kids. Which means less of the shouting and screaming  and a little private time to oneself , at least in the mornings, which are now mostly spent in a world of tissues and paper towels though. No medication seems to work for me. Someone told me the other day Yoga might be the answer or at least  some work-out at the Gym . Need to seriously think about enrolling at the Rush. I find I can't gather enough enthusiasm for anything now-a-days. It is most likely my age creeping on me. I am getting old, its as simple as that, I tell myself . Time does catch up with you and one fine day you realize you would rather curl up somewhere, far away from all this madness. Bliss it would be to be away far away from all this' busy-ness' . But there's no escape .You are not done yet, some little voice in me perks up.

There's so many things I have promised myself I will do one day, someday... Like the swimming classes for instance, which I always think about taking, around this same time of the year, but never get to actually do anyhow. Life is all about meeting one's priorities I know, and somehow my swimming gets pushed back always. It has no real priority in the general interests, you know. I believe I would sure love the time in the water, that would be like the feeling I always get, when I  walk around stringing my camera, clicking away, got to do something about the swimming classes one of these days.The sheer pleasure of the kids and everyone else when they are in the water, makes me so envious of them. I usually, always sit around and watch the kids in the water, how I desire to be in with them ! One of these days, definitely, I promise myself again.

There is so much work to be done, if I have a mind for it that is. I'd rather take a book and curl around, tucked inside my blanket, on the bed, reading the book of my choice, than reply to the mail I ought to or some other house work I need to do. Only, I would be mercilessly chided if I don't, so I got to get on with it. See, my eyes are puffy, I got so much work to do, whether it be in the kitchen or the house or mailing some stuff but I'd rather do something that is more appealing. How far have I grown up I wonder! This very grown-up person , who demands her kids to be responsible, how much are you mature enough, yourself ? Aren't you still a kid who would shun his/her work and opt for play and pleasure, not really having grown up yourself but try to appear before like one for your little ones?

Wordsworth's lines from his short poem " My heart leaps up when I behold" come to my mind,  'Child is father of man', he says in it. It does ring very true to me. We often fool ourselves we are more knowledgeable, mature, that we know the best, but are we or do we truly ? Numerous are the times my eyes have been opened by the words  from the mouths of mere babes. How many times have I learned new things from my own kids! They do  teach you simple, important  stuff, stuff that really matters that is, on a daily basis. Its not rocket Science, but the very simple, more important principles we tend to frequently brush away, running after the very modern "important", busy life. It is to those really important, simple stuff, which the kids take us back to through their tender wisdom . Also, you need the patience to listen to them, then only you can learn from them. Dwelling on it, it dawns on me, these words of truth from these mere babes that I learn on a daily basis, are actually lessons long forgotten by me, things I used to know, they remind me of who I once used to be.  So, William Wordsworth the Philosopher/Poet was right , wasn't he after all?

A very new resolution on diet.. yet to be put to use...

I happened to watch a video of a heavy person trying to lose some considerable pounds off of  his body. The video is  been very inspiring I ought to admit. My very health -conscious husband who would eat only very light and healthy foods in the mornings and who usually ends up just grabbing  anything and everything he feels like when he is home, but of course, who follows up with a considerable amount of time spend at the gym and with his trainer later, is also in the  habit of watching anything related to health and body care, mostly its about dieting and exercise. So  I ended up watching and appreciating the efforts of the person going through with this rigorous form of dieting with him last Friday.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRtSo-YpWbk&feature=player_embedded

The movie is really inspiring and very result -oriented I must say, that you simply feel like you ought to detoxicate yourself too as soon as possible. It is actually a process of cleansing and thereby losing of the unwanted ,excess fat we carry around which has been accumulated by our careless eating habits, that is what really happens in the video . The best thing is that it works! It really does . I am reminded of the Naturopathy technique of treatment I have heard about and seen at work back home. Only, you gotto have tons of perseverance, patience and just plain courage to  keep going on , until you cross those first few days, as the first few days are the real tough ones. Then it seems like it becomes you, or rather you become it, really.You also need to be armed with  fresh veggies like kale, cucumber, celery, granny smith apples, preferably all organic . In the end you just get used to the Green Mean Juice as they call it in the video . You don't salivate for pizzas, pastas,burgers, fries and all the buffets in the world anymore, I believe, once you are into it. You just don't wanna eat anymore of  those appetizing foods once you start seeing the total change in yourself. All the medications are off too ,as you no longer require them .

We the enthusiasts, even ended up ordering a Breville juicer, which is scheduled to arrive at our address  soon.

My partner's plans are all clear. Gotto get on the diet ASAP. I pipe in, but what's the point,you always end up grabbing every cookie and snack you can get your hands on, in the eves . So tell me what's the point , I annoy him . Pat comes his reply, you know, I can stop eating all that if I want to. And he is right there too . I have seen him go through till the end with his resolutions if he really puts his mind to it . Only he ought to make sure I don't put a spoke in his resolve. I usually do.Not purposefully, of course.Well that's the spirit, that's my man, I think to myself . He urges me to try it too. I ,being not so sure about myself,  give him a 'maybe'.. But I am seriously considering it too . Now , don't get me wrong .Its not that I am overly carrying too much weight around .I probably have a rough 10  pounds to lose, is all . But the point is ,I am not all that fit as a fiddle . Its high time I took charge of my  health too, I scold myself , there being zero work-out in my daily routine. I have become a couch potato, in short, reading books, networking sometimes, but mostly devouring the Netflix shows. After all its just the first two or  three days that is the hindrance between me and an hour-glass figure, probably, I tell myself who knows! As if I am in  need of one of those now... even so, it should be a whole lot less to carry around, I argue with myself , and imagine, all those nice tops and dresses I could wear, if by the end of it all I did become slim as a reed . It definitely is a very appealing future outcome.

You can go back to your regular food after 30-60 days but only in a very planned and organized way of course, more leaves, less meat , less carbo. Hopefully the new juicer will help me change my diet too. All those yummy looking Oreo's and chocolate-chip cookies's and snacks say hello to me all the while I slowly come to this decision . Its sure gonna be hard, but worth the try, I am positive. I make a note to make a video from the first day till the last day too, like them , we could maybe end up being an  inspiration to some one else, after all.

How to "Steal" a sandwich recipe...

My little one was up in bed saying she wanted her breakfast immediately, and no to bath or bathroom before breakfast, she decided  . I tried arguing to no avail and in the end had to give up and do her bidding .

Then comes my usual query to her: "What do think you want for breakfast dear ? " She thinks for a moment and comes up with a waffle sandwich, Blueberry waffle sandwich that is . I say ,"alright, cold milk with it right?" Yes she goes..  A blueberry waffle sandwich, cold milk and a few minutes later, she calls out to her brother, who is still in bed..."Anna , I stole your recipe for the sandwich..na na na ..."

He, the big B , wildly screams ,"How dare you? Its mine, my blueberry waffle sandwich recipe" And so it goes on..The argument..So what's this special recipe of my son's right? You must have guessed it already. A little grape jelly and butter spread on two waffles that  have been toasted..that's the long and short of it ...The big B who has been asked by his trainer not to touch waffles anymore ,rushes to the kitchen as soon as he is up from bed , tosses two waffles into the toaster with a vengeance. He must have a sandwich soon , if not its all gonna go away..who knows..so lemme rush ,must be his thought. Anyway ,I feel its time I helped so I go "what about milk? "No milk" he says sternly "I am not supposed to drink milk you know.I need to watch my weight."  "but.." I begin ,"no mom no" he goes. Fine then, I think to myself and he ends up having whats up there. By making one for himself and devouring it as fast as he could ,he must believe he has saved his recipe, I think to myself. He is all about preserving his grandmas' recipes , hold on to the secrets mom , he tells me ,they are precious you know.Don't go around passing all secrets about family recipes is his motto.

At times I wonder, if he is gonna make a good chef after all , not an astronomer or designer of things like air-crafts and the like ,or an engineer or whatever  he usually says he wants to be. Let me add, he even wants to be the President at times ,when he grows up that is . At least I wouldn't have to worry, I try telling myself , about his future, that is. Who knows, he might make a good chef ,if not anything else that he usually wishes to become in the future , which( being a chef) incidentally, happens to be a secret desire with his dad , who is a great cook himself.. :-) After  all I sure am glad I need not maybe worry, maybe not too much at least .

Spring I love, but the flower dust ? spare me the agony I say ! .....

We are into the third day of the kids' Spring break. Waking up late as we please , (the kids and I ),and languishing some more , loathe to get up yet.The temperature is in the 80's but I don't see any kids outside in the mornings. They seem to enjoy the pool in the late afternoons and their games usually begin around 5.00 pm.

Soccer is been cancelled last week and it is still, as it is been raining in the evenings and we have been having some thunderstorms of late ,most in the afternoons .The kids are really frustrated at this state of events. They clearly enjoy their soccer time , as its a time for bonding with everyone for them and us too.

As usual, I am hit with another bout of the Spring allergies from pollen . The cars are covered with the dust, and again as usual am on medication but, of no use . How I love the flowers blooming everywhere! Wanting to click away at all the different , various , luscious colors around, click all the trees laden with the abundance of flowers! In spite of my weakness for them , I am so susceptible to their dust . During these times, I am constantly sick, like having cold for months, having to heavily depend on medication and tissues as I have a constant runny nose, with itchy eyes and whatnot . Maybe a little hatred for the Season might help me get through all this agony, but I find I still love this season . No amount of allergy , I believe can cure me of my love for this most beautiful of seasons. I guess none can escape this  love of Spring ,which brings  so much beauty everywhere , and in such abundance  !

So I guess, I shall still enjoy it all through my very watery eyes and my very runny nose , in spite of it all .

It's Spring break already! Sigh!

The kids are on the verge of  their Spring break and here I am a bit vary about it . Probably very mean of me to be so ! Wonder if this was exactly  the way my folks felt, whenever we kid's vacations came around - this feeling of  slight fear, about how they were going to make it through, with all that accompanying  ruckus . I am vary ,as I am well aware of the various showdowns we are sure we ( my kids and I) would have during this break . School,definitely, I ought to admit , is a reprieve for parents.

Matter of fact , we did have one of our famous showdowns yesterday , my  tween son and myself that is, like we always do, for such common- place things like , taking out the trash .

I try to remind him on such occasions, of the various chores that  kids of his age and younger , usually do around the house.  I am vividly reminded of a much smaller boy , one of six or seven years of age, begging me to let him wash the dishes for me some years back . I did say to him "maybe not" then , as he was too small I thought , for that particular job and at the same time did express my wish he would be so generous  with his offer of help later ,once he got older . And now, you see, it is that same earnest kid of yore that I have these mighty arguments with for nothing .

The reasons he quoted for not being in a mind to take the trash out yesterday being , he had already done one job, that being , nothing other than taking some home-made snack to my neighbor, that too in the same building ! He just couldn't do it  he said, as he was too tired from too much "work" as he put it . The "work" in question, having been at his day at school , having to work hard there, and now look, he says, here you (being me)  giving me no peace of mind. This return from school had been an hour back he forgets, and above all that day's work, you (That's me)  force me  to take a few paces to the dumpster?!

I had a good mind then to walk him through my memories, of  the numerous days of having had to do all that  loads of home-work assigned us in our younger days , added to any work we had to do at home whenever we were there, and of how we were expected to help around the house, any and all work as a matter of fact. Only, I stopped myself , as I was reminded of how we have tried from time to time to relate those days of toil and hard work of ours, in the hopes that our growing up tween and his little sister would get a teeny weeny more responsible, but how it always, somehow never registers in their minds . I try to pacify my partner's worries about the kids' lack of appreciation of the freedom and choices they have, the better chances and better comforts and his constant worry of why they just are unable to afford  some degree or a modicum of respect  to life in general , by telling him , maybe, we should give them more time, let them know repeatedly, remind them periodically, and they would eventually understand. My high hopes! My elder one usually shows signs of comprehension during these lectures, but only fleetingly, and again I see my tween reverting to his usual ways, which of course makes his dad see RED.

At the same time , kids ought to  be allowed to be kids I know , and that they will one day, maybe look back like the grown-ups before them, who have done so throughout the ages, with nostalgia at the wild ways they were allowed to be in their own homes. The total freedom they had there, to be themselves, as that's the essence of childhood and everyone should be allowed to savor it at everyone's own sweet pace I guess.... The only downside here being I am on the other side now...So be it , I tell myself ........Now it's their turn to have fun , and am sure ready for their break... so bring it on I say  ....