How hard can it be, landing a regular full-time job ..not at all right???

 Never is it easy losing one's job , that too a dream job , and this especially when  its conscious choice you got to make , this choice to lose that something you value , then I would say it becomes even more harder, also when its a choice you are forced to make due to inescapable circumstances  or personal reasons . The bitterness of it all adds up  when you are not sure if you would ever be able to land one again , at the age you are in, a job of your choice and to your liking , also one  in your own chosen location . In such a situation it becomes, this task of landing a job, nothing but a lot of misery, this from my personal experience, though . I am in the middle of pointing fingers , mostly at myself that is . The choices we make in life  usually lands us where we end up in life , I guess . In the end you need to learn to accept your choices and take responsibility for them too. I am taking responsibility for my career choices now,  mainly.

These days of searching for a respectable job and finding it hard to land one, makes me continuously question all the decisions that I have made throughout my very short life .Was that particular one right, I ponder, maybe I should have taken the other option, maybe it would have been even  better if I had chosen that , this, the other or whatever..too many maybes. In the end I arrive at the thought,after all , maybe , I would have been at the point where I am now, no matter what choice I'd made previously . That line of thought helps me live with myself each day .

Anyways ,after several aborted attempts, and many sporadic periods of misery, thinking that I am probably not good enough for this or that job, ( most being  entry-level ones which anyone is capable of doing btw) , but for which even , I find myself not being chosen to , (how pathetic ! right?) then what should a soul do , you tell me. Time and time I  get into these busy periods of diligently applying for all jobs I feel I might be suited for, and then receive these letters of regrets, letting me know someone else is already been chosen , which leads me again into a depressing period of quitting job searches for weeks and then trying again. It shouldn't be hard to find a job for a person who really wants to work right? Then why does it seem so hard just for me? Why do I even try right ? Well you know, I have this nagging feeling somewhere at times, reminding me, I ,as an individual  still have not done what I am really capable of doing, in fact I have done nothing to change or help this world, have not made my mark, not been useful, but am  just getting along where the tide takes me , day after day, just being a caretaker , nothing else. Seeing all those people juggling their roles as homemakers, public servants, parents, and in many multiple roles , is when it strikes me the most. What are you yourself doing, I can't help but ask myself . Look at all of them , they are busy, doing so much , here you are comparatively sitting , and watching life pass you by. Isn't there something you got to do? Get on and do something about it . And that's when I start it all over again, only to reach no real results. I am sure its not that hard , one of these days I should get my break too, after all ,the saying is every dog has its day right ?

Yes, I do feel like a dog with its tail between its leg sometimes , especially when I never make it for an interview. They tell me its hard, you need to know people , your experience, your degrees, are not enough, even your references don't help you much at all . Sometimes you need to have some ' inside connections' to get you the first break. You need to know insiders. 'The inside push' I would like to call it, that's more like it. The push I don't have and have no hopes of ever getting.  How is one supposed to know any insiders, when one is oneself  a newbie to this whole drama . Now that, according to me, is totally discouraging as a job seeker, and me not a young one at that either. So you see, its not all that green ,the grass on this side , it might appear so, for  you on the far side though, its just a beautiful vision from there, let me be frank with you all on the farther side , more like a chimera ( a foolish fantasy ) it now seems to me, this business of finding a decent job here in the US by myself that is. But surely no point in losing lose hope you all, it is still the dream land of the Science, Math Graduates and all Computer related pros, just not the place for a Language Major like me is all. So keep up your high  hopes still , out there, you will definitely find your little green patch...