Relevance of nicknames in the past and present...

I had gotten into thinking recently why I'd chosen the name I did for this writing purpose, and the only reason that popped into my mind was none other than the little semblance of anonymity it might provide. What false sense of frail security we are preys to at times!

Being the youngest among six siblings and everyone already being allotted an apt nickname by then, I was not allowed any exception either. I was called ' Panchali'  with fervent anger ,loathe, love and  also just  for the sake of being called something . I believe this tradition of allotting nicknames to one and all is just a part and parcel of the growing -up process . In short ,this name came naturally to my siblings' mouth whenever they wanted me present , to be given a chore, scolded, chided or bullied and sometimes to just share things with too. Once I remember asking them why I was given that particular name . And I was gladly told I ought to be proud, as Panchali was a heroine in the famous Indian Epic. Only later did I learn, she was also the wife of multiple husbands and I sure was not happy about the choice of that name for me then. Anyway, I got used to the name eventually  and in fact later came to expect to be called so by my brothers and my sister.Only she never did call me that, to her I was always her baby sister.

Growing up with so many brothers, cousins and an elder sister, getting the opportunity to hop houses , mostly cousin's houses, without parental permission almost always, and getting punished for being disobedient and inviting oneself into one's relatives' home just because one happened to end up there during playtime, and at every chance one got in childhood days, I believe those  were such grand experiences that our kids now in the present age, can only try to visualize when its related to them by us, about such escapades of our childhood, occasionally by us . Whenever I do so, I see my son get his eyes so wide, wondering, with a  "did she really do that"  type of look . Its that same me , who has now become  this impossible bossy mom, who now, am imposing these multiple  'rules' with my  you cannot do that's,  'let me see if its alright's', 'they need their privacy you know' s, and ' you need to find ways to entertain yourself ,you know's' and so on. Numerous are the times my own kids accuse me of being mean and I see myself as a young girl a long time back,doing the exact same thing to my mother.

At least am glad to see my kids are creative with the  nicknames they make for each other .Its a natural talent I guess. One which definitely makes me smile, sometimes wanting to berate them in spite of the immediate smile that springs on my lips, only one name alone never ever seem to stick for very long in their case. I am also sad, we, their parents and their uncles and aunts  have grown so far apart from each other, wherever our lives have taken us, that, we, the grownups have come to feel among ourselves that we have probably lost our rights as siblings to call each other the old nicknames we had called each one in those old happy-go-lucky days. I don't mean to say we have forgotten then, in fact we are all starkly conscious of our childhood closeness, rivalry and name calling, but only we have misplaced the right to be ourselves, the total freedom, somewhere along the way , in the process of growing up.  Many are the times I regret how we , the close-knit family have eventually moved so farther away, almost outwardly caring nothing for whats going on in each one's life, but inwardly bleeding for that same loss, hoping everything can be mended and brought back to the original state..which is never going to be of course,which probably is a dream. The only hope that remains after all that sense of loss, and wishing for things that are never meant to be, is hoping that each in their innermost hearts have only kind wishes and hopes and only good thoughts for each other.

This state, I have come to realize is the way most family relationships are in the modern age . We give more importance to selfishness , fame and fortune and also one's social status, almost always  forgetting, in our mad rush to become achievers , that its that ,which  we  essentially are, that  we sacrifice in order to achieve this same name and fame and fortune. So,  who or what is left of us in the end  to enjoy the result of all that mad rush? Is this crazy rush at all worth it in the end? At the same time, we are reminded we were bred and brought up to thrive, only this thriving has taken on a much too material or profitable meaning, totally devoid of anything worthwhile ultimately.